it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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