Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
jump out the window naked night went bad
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
