I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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