first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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