Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
