I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
