8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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