you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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