considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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