Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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