Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
