Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize