Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
