Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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