Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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