i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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