So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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