If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
