I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize