Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize