weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
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