Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize