I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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