Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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