Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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