Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
