I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
