Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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