OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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