I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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