I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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