Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
