You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
