he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
