piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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