are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
