xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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