summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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