uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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