I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
