The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
