I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
