How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
