i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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