I hope mine doesn't look like that
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
