I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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