Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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