You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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