i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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