My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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