maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
