So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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