i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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