he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm too high and old for this...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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