I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
