I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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