I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
