i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
