I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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