Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I love you. Go after that dick
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize