Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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