he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
