Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize