Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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