But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
