i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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