I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
